Finding Closure
Losing the end of my high school senior year to COVID is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I still remember the exact moment when I heard about the two week break. In the auditorium for our spring musical, my choir teacher delivered the news. My blood ran cold and my heart dropped. Many didn’t see it as a big deal, and most were excited. Deep down, my gut told me we were never going back. On the way home, I cried because I knew.
I never set foot in my high school again. I never went to my senior prom. I never played that game of sand volleyball my teacher promised us on March 13th. I never walked across the stage to receive my diploma. I never truly felt recognized for the years of hard work I had put in. I never said goodbye to my friends. And I never got closure.
I know it sounds trivial, people lost a lot more. But, it still sucked. And I have my own experience too. At first, I didn’t know what to do, wandering around my house out of boredom and talking to anyone who would listen. P.S. I’m sorry Mom. Face-timing my friends almost nightly became my routine. They kept me sane. I began working out several days a week. I stayed active, whether it was a random pilates video on YouTube, a quick run around my neighborhood, or kicking a soccer ball against the side of my house (sorry again Mom.) I made baked oats for the first time. The addiction hit hard. I tried to fight it and make other food, but I only somewhat succeeded. The show “The Outer Banks” had perfect timing. But that was only the tip of the iceberg. I binged a lot of TV shows and movies. I also watched an endless amount of BTS interviews and performances. They were an amazing distraction – funny and entertaining. Yes, I’m a BTS fan – sue me, I don’t care. The stigma surrounding Kpop is stupid and pathetic anyways.
Back to the main point. I cried a lot. A lot. Puffy eyes were a regular look for me. I became best friends with my bed, my room, and my own tears. I often stood outside staring at nature trying to feel something. I found comfort in music. Making Spotify playlists at 2AM became my new hobby. My AirPods never left my ears, connected to me like a lifeline. I’ve always been an avid music listener, but now, it is my greatest love.
Sometimes I wish things had been different, but then I wouldn’t be who I am today. Months and months of self-exploration and reflection – I discovered a lot during that time. I understand myself now more than I ever have. I won’t go into the details or else we would be here for hours. So, just take my word for it.
